It is very delicate to interact with someone who has depression. Words spoken with good intentions can sometimes make things worse for the person. For example, simple encouragement like “cheer up” or “try to be more positive” often has the opposite effect, because the person with depression wants to feel that way but can’t.
What you can do as a friend is not about “doing something” but rather “just being there.”
How to Interact with Someone with Depression
- Focus on listening. There’s no need to give advice or find solutions. The most important thing is to listen to your friend when they want to talk. By simply accepting what they say without judgment—with phrases like “I see” or “That sounds tough”—your friend can feel that someone understands their feelings, and that alone can lift a small weight off their heart. If your friend doesn’t want to talk, it’s also important to be gentle and give them space.
- Send the message, “I’m always here for you.” When someone is depressed, they often feel an intense sense of loneliness. Knowing they’re not alone can be their greatest support. By telling them, “No pressure, but if you ever feel like talking to someone, you can always reach out,” you show them that there’s an option to connect whenever they’re ready, without creating any pressure.
- Offer an option that allows them to say “no.” When inviting your friend out, it’s crucial to give them the clear right to decline. For example, you can say, “If you’re up for it, maybe we could grab some tea at a cafe nearby? No worries at all if you’re not feeling up to it.” This approach is based on assertive communication, which respects both you and the other person. Creating an environment where they can easily say “no” is a true act of kindness.
- Gently suggest seeing a professional. If the symptoms seem severe, it’s also important to gently encourage your friend to see a doctor or another professional. You could say, “I’m worried about you. Would you be open to just going for a consultation?” and show that you’re willing to go with them.
You don’t need to “cure” your friend’s illness. Instead, by being a quiet harbor and respecting their pace, you can provide the support they may need most right now.
About Assertive Communication
Assertive communication is a method of genuinely and directly expressing your opinions and feelings while respecting both yourself and the other person.
It’s neither about being overly aggressive nor overly passive.
The Three Types of Assertive Communication
To understand this concept, it’s helpful to compare the three types of communication:
- Aggressive This is the type where you try to force your opinions and demands on others. You might try to win arguments or use an overbearing attitude. This often damages relationships and leads to stress and dissatisfaction.
- Non-Assertive This type involves suppressing your own opinions and emotions, and prioritizing the other person’s needs. You might hold back because you feel it’s pointless to speak up or you don’t want to create a bad atmosphere. This can lead to your own dissatisfaction and stress building up over time.
- Assertive This is the ideal form of communication, where you value both yourself and the other person. You respect their opinion while honestly expressing your own thoughts and feelings. This approach helps build “win-win” relationships where both parties can reach an agreeable conclusion.
The Four Pillars of Assertive Communication
To practice assertive communication, four key elements are important:
- Honesty Be honest with yourself and treat the other person with sincerity. A sincere attitude builds trust.
- Directness Don’t beat around the bush; express your opinions and feelings directly. However, always be mindful of using polite language so as not to offend the other person.
- Equality Treat the other person as an equal, regardless of your position or their status. This means avoiding a condescending or submissive attitude and treating each other with mutual respect.
- Self-Responsibility Take responsibility for your own words and actions, as well as their consequences. This means you own the responsibility for what you say and for what you choose not to say.
Assertive communication isn’t an innate personality trait; it’s a skill that can be developed through practice. It helps improve relationships and allows both you and others to build strong connections without unnecessary stress.
